Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
