Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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