I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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