she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
