i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
