Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
