We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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