I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
