Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
