why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
