i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
