just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
