Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
