Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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