Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
