She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
