I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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