He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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