If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
