when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
