Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
