Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
