I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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