Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
