This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
