I'm jealous of your bromance
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
