He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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