Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
