my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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