Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
