I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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