He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
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I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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