I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
