My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
