btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
