I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
