her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
