i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
