He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
