and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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