It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
