sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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