What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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