someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
