I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
