actually, I'm a sock model
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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