im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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