In the future we'll all be gay
We're facebook friends in real life
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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