I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
