I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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