glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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