I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
