he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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