I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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