2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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