lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
