My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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