Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
