hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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